What to do with this place?

The trouble with the blog is that it is all about the past. I haven't written here regularly for a very long time. If you look through the archive, this blog is very much the story of my Prior Relationship. This presents a problem. I don't want to remove all trace of that relationship. No matter how it ended, it set me on a particular path and I dread to think where I might have ended up if that had not happened. Would I ever have found the motivation to leave the darkened room?

There are times when I want to write, but coming here draws my attention to the past. That's okay for a few fleeting moments once in a while, but too much looking back is not healthy. It leads to what-ifs and memories of those imagined babies with very blue eyes.

One solution is to start to post regularly again. Over time the past will lose its grip on this place as the present takes over. Or I could just pack up here and start writing somewhere new. This place is paid for though. So let's try talking about the present.

I have a new relationship. And when I say "new" it is an outright lie. For this relationship has almost reached its first anniversary. Which I guess makes it pretty serious. We see each other about three or four nights a week, which still leaves room for all that personal space I need (I wasn't designed to spend too much time with people). Sometimes we go out. Sometimes we stay in. She complains when I pay more attention to the computer than I do to her. But I'm only looking at the computer because I'm not interested in Property Ladder, so it's her own fault for putting it on! It's nice and it's easy and I'm pretty happy. Being happy most of the time over an extended period is odd. I seem to have difficulty accepting it. I get this feeling that there's something wrong. Something missing. But is there something missing or am I just looking for an excuse not to be happy (that's something fucked-up people do)?

This relationship is not like anything I've experienced before. It's not intense. It's not irrational. It's not a roller coaster with pain around every other corner. I just need to realise that's a good thing!

Isn't it?