The Axeman Cometh

It's been a difficult day. Almost everyone in my office is being made redundant. My team is safe (supposedly for two years but I think a pinch of salt is required there) but 90% of the people in the office will not be here in three months time. So really I should be thankful that my job is safe. But it's not as simple as that. For one thing, our new corporate overlords are not going to maintain a presence in Manchester forever. They need us for the moment, but they will discard us when they can. Also, being among the few who are not affected is a bit uncomfortable when we have to spend the next three months working with those who have lost their jobs. Some of those people have been with us for many years. Finally, it's going to be very strange when we are the few remaining people in a big, empty office. I don't want to be working in that environment. I'll miss the others. I love these people.

So very sensibly I left work at lunchtime and didn't bother to go back. I just got drunk instead.

For the first time since I fucked it up, I really wish Rina was still part of my life. That has been a constant wish since I lost her, but this is the first time I've needed her. I wish I could call her and talk it through. I know that talking to her would make it so much better. She always made everything feel so much better. This whole situation leaves me feeling so isolated. So alone. There are 100 people working around me. Soon there will only be 25 other people. And most of them will be in another room with a lock on the door.

I lost Rina because I treated her badly. Now I have to accept the consequences.

tags: work  sadness  rina