I think this is what's known as a proper, grown-up relationship. We spend a decent amount of time together but that doesn't stop us doing other things if we want to. We're both free to go out and get horrible hangovers. We even give each other sympathy the next day. Sometimes we eat out. Sometimes we go to the pictures. Sometimes we go on day trips. Oftentimes we just stay in. But whatever we do, it's always fun.

We have exciting plans over the next few weeks. First of all we're taking a nice trip to Longleat (because it looks good on the telly) and staying in a nice looking inn. That's to celebrate the anniversary. Then a couple of weeks after that we're off on an exciting week away in Wales. It'll be the first time we've spent an entire week together. We'll also be spending lots of time together the week before as I've taken an extra week off work. It's going to be good. I'm really looking forward to it!

I've really never experienced this kind of consistant happiness. It's a wonderful thing. I'm in love and I'm a pretty lucky guy. Here's hoping for another year just like the last one.

More details of our exciting trips to follow, if I get around to writing them down :)

The trouble with the blog is that it is all about the past. I haven't written here regularly for a very long time. If you look through the archive, this blog is very much the story of my Prior Relationship. This presents a problem. I don't want to remove all trace of that relationship. No matter how it ended, it set me on a particular path and I dread to think where I might have ended up if that had not happened. Would I ever have found the motivation to leave the darkened room?

There are times when I want to write, but coming here draws my attention to the past. That's okay for a few fleeting moments once in a while, but too much looking back is not healthy. It leads to what-ifs and memories of those imagined babies with very blue eyes.

One solution is to start to post regularly again. Over time the past will lose its grip on this place as the present takes over. Or I could just pack up here and start writing somewhere new. This place is paid for though. So let's try talking about the present.

I have a new relationship. And when I say "new" it is an outright lie. For this relationship has almost reached its first anniversary. Which I guess makes it pretty serious. We see each other about three or four nights a week, which still leaves room for all that personal space I need (I wasn't designed to spend too much time with people). Sometimes we go out. Sometimes we stay in. She complains when I pay more attention to the computer than I do to her. But I'm only looking at the computer because I'm not interested in Property Ladder, so it's her own fault for putting it on! It's nice and it's easy and I'm pretty happy. Being happy most of the time over an extended period is odd. I seem to have difficulty accepting it. I get this feeling that there's something wrong. Something missing. But is there something missing or am I just looking for an excuse not to be happy (that's something fucked-up people do)?

This relationship is not like anything I've experienced before. It's not intense. It's not irrational. It's not a roller coaster with pain around every other corner. I just need to realise that's a good thing!

Isn't it?

Last time I wrote about going on a date, it didn't turn out very well. So when I arranged a date for Fri 29th August I kept quiet about it. Fortunately that one went a little better. We did the whole dinner and a movie thing. And then we just wandered around town. We spent quite a long time sitting by the big screen at The Triangle. And then somehow it was three in the morning. It was a really nice evening.

I saw her again on Monday night. She came over to my place "for a couple of hours". Again she left at three in the morning. Tuesday night I was in London (which I will write about separately) and didn't get much sleep then. On Wednesday night she came round again and this time she stayed over.

By Thursday I was completely exhausted. I struggled through my day at work and once home I had a nap. Well it was supposed to be a nap but it lasted for twelve hours.

Yesterday she came over again. We went to see a movie and then spent the rest of the night doing nothing in particular. She left a couple of hours ago because she's working this afternoon.

So it's been a busy week-and-a-bit and it's been good. Apparently she "really like[s]" me and is "walking around with a stupid grin on [her] face". So the question is, how long will it be before she realises her mistake?

So all last week I was on a course. I like being on a course. It makes for an easy week but at the same time the learning aspect is enough to keep it from being boring. It involves short days, long lunches and absolutely no pressure from anywhere. It was an enjoyable week.

On Thursday night was the planned Night of Heavy Drinking to say goodbye to three managers. The turnout wasn't all that great, but I ended up having quite a good time. I drank a lot and didn't go to bed until 2:45. However I was only slightly ill on Friday morning. Friday was an even shorter day than the others, so I was home quite early.

Since then I've been feeling a bit down. I think part of it is similar to post-holiday blues. It's back to work next week. Back to normality. Back to treading water. Being on 8-4 next week doesn't help. That makes it one hour closer! Plus, Friday was an anniversary. Not something that directly involved me, but it still breaks my heart to think of it. It's been on my mind. I hope it's not been on hers. A foolish hope, I feel.

Anyway, my folks have been on holiday and they are coming home today. With any luck they will have brought me back some chocolate! It will be nice to hear about their adventures. At work, our contractor is finishing in two weeks, so that may be our next excuse for a Night of Heavy Drinking. Then there is the departmental Night of Heavy Drinking in London on the 2nd. They're paying for us to stay overnight in a hotel. The downside is that it's on a Tuesday and we still have to work the rest of the week. But at least there are these things on the horizon for me to look forward to.

There's a new girl in my life. Nothing to get too excited about. It's only an email-based relationship. But she's cute and funny and she makes me smile. It's very jovial. It's a bit too superficial for my taste though. She's not actually showing any sign that she wants to know anything about me. She just wants to talk about nothing. So it's a nice distraction but that's all. There's no sign that it will ever be anything more. And if that's the case, it's only a matter of time before it runs out of momentum.

This week I will not be going in to the office. Myself and three colleagues are instead going to spend the week learning new skills. Specifically, we will be learning about BizTalk. We may end up not actually using BizTalk in the business, but we will be using something similar, so the principles will apply. But that's not the only reason they've sent us on a course. After everything that's happened they are trying to demonstrate that they are still willing to invest in our team. It's a message that they are not planning on getting rid of us. Not for the time being, at least. And if they change their minds about that, it certainly won't hurt to have BizTalk on our CVs!

I'm looking forward to it. For one thing, I quite enjoy sitting in a classroom learning something. Being paid to do it is a sweet deal. It's nice to get a week away from work. Plus, the hours are short and there's lunch thrown in.

The only problem is that there is a Night of Heavy Drinking planned for Thursday. It's a big work-sponsored one, including quite a lot of money behind the bar at the start of the night. It's a leaving do for three managers who have left in the light of recent events (including the one who was at the top of the local food chain). So the goal is clear. We have to learn as much BizTalk as we can in four days, so that it won't matter how rough we feel on the fifth!

I look out of my window. The rain pours down. The people walk by looking dejected. They hide under their umbrellas. But I really need milk, because I want Corn Flakes. And I need Tropicana because I'm feeling slightly under the weather and I have a superstition that it's a magic cure-all substance.

So I grab my umbrella and prepare for the short walk to Tesco. I go down the stairs and step outside. No rain. Bright sunshine. Lucky me.

Fifteen minutes later I arrive back home. Up the stairs I go. Through the front door and in to the living room. I look through the window. Pouring rain.

I think my windows are telling me lies.

I was walking to work and I became aware of a strange and not especially pleasant sensation on my arm. Kinda scratchy, like there was something walking on my arm. But I couldn't see anything and it went away. A few minutes later it was back. Further up my arm. And later on it was there again. Either I was having some kind of strange hallucination, or I was sharing my shirt with something else.

I tried to shake it out of my sleeve but it wouldn't move. It was raining a little and I was holding my umbrella, so I couldn't really start stripping off in the middle of the street to investigate.

Eventually I got to work and went to the bathroom where I proceeded to remove my shirt. At this point I wasn't sure whether I wanted to find anything. Would it be better if I'd just lost my mind? A huge moth walked up my back and up onto my head before I was able to shake it off. I didn't see where it went after that but since then I've been paranoid there is something on me. I can still feel it now.

Is this how people develop phobias?

When the weather is nice I want to leave my coat behind. Unless I'm very clever (which I'm not) this means leaving my wallet behind. Which means leaving my pass behind. Which means I can't get in and out of the office. It also means I can't buy any lunch. It was a long day.

I'm sitting on my balcony in the glorious sunshine (yes, even in Manchester it is glorious). I have just returned from a short trip to Tesco. There I spent just over £10. And I really didn't buy any actual, proper food. Milk and cheese, of course. The rest was naughty snack food. And now I'm wondering if I should have bought more of the yummy fudge.

While I was in Tesco I thought to myself "ooh, you need shower gel". So I went to find shower gel. It was buy one get one free. Back home I put my two shower gel bottles in the bathroom cabinet. Along with the two bottles that were already there. I don't seem to have any shampoo though.

So today in the course of my work I discovered that an external company that provides one of our systems has a very sophisticated technical mechanism for loading data into an Oracle database. They copy and paste the data into an Excel spreadsheet. The spreadsheet has a VB Script macro that connects to Oracle and loads the data at the click of a button. Which would be clever if it was something you were doing at home for personal use. But for a business of their size, it's really a big pile of shit held together with string and sticky tape.

Anyway, we were looking at this code and laughing. The author of the script had abbreviated "count" as "cnt". We find this funny because we are immature. Then one of my colleagues quipped that "loop until cnt = 0" is a perfect analogy for life.

I'm still chuckling to myself now.

Perhaps you had to be there.